Thinking back on most of my romantic relationships, I was always attracted to “Mr.Wrong”, the “asshole” or the fancy terminology “emotionally unavailable”. It took a long time, lots of tears, fears and inner battles to finally realize. It really wasn’t them, it was me.
The Merriam-Webster’s definition of Self-Esteem is “a confidence and satisfaction in oneself”; the (by)Yana definition of “self-esteem” is the foundation of every decision we make in our lives, including who we fall for, simply because “we accept the love we THINK we deserve.”
Have you ever really thought about what you deserve? What do you really deserve out of life and love? and most importantly, WHY do you deserve this? My guess is most of you reading this will find this question difficult to answer because most of us never really took the time to fall in love with ourselves! So how in the world do we expect someone else to fall in love with us?
I don’t blame you. We live in a world where speaking up about our strengths and amazing qualities is looked down upon and often mistaken for “cocky” or “conceited” but in reality, that’s just a fear of criticism – another system of control we’ve created to limit us from becoming who we’re destined to be!!! (But that’s a whole other blog)
So why do you keep meeting the same type of man or (or woman) over and over and over again? My theory is you are not ready for the man (or woman) who will love every inch of you for the rest of your life, because you don’t love yourself yet!
So many of my clients are smart and beautiful women who lower their standards for the fantasy relationship they have created in their head and it breaks my heart because I just want to shake them and tell them how much more they deserve! But I know the feeling, I’ve been there before once or twice. 😉
The people we attract are the reflection of who we are and where we are at that point and time in our lives.
Of course there are exceptions to this theory, ’tis only a theory. But in order for you to meet Mr.Right, you must be Miss. Right for yourself. You must know yourself to make a choice of who you may potentially want to spend the rest of your life with and if you’re not sure who you are, how can you love a stranger?
Most are looking for the “right” man (or woman) and believe once they meet him (or her) things will change, happiness will finally come and life will be complete but that’s just a chick flick you saw last weekend. In order to bring joy and happiness into your life you have to do the work! The amazing significant other you will attract will be the cherry on top <3
Whether you’re currently in a thing with this type of person, or you are that person, it doesn’t matter, the both of you must to do the work.
How do you think the they got to where there are today? I know they may look perfect from the outside (cuz’ you know love is blind) but on the inside they are not that witty, funny, and confident. They are sad, lonely and full of denial.
Don’t try to “fix or save them”, don’t feel sorry for them. Start taking responsibility for yourself and loving yourself more. In case of an airplane emergency, you’re told to put your mask on before helping others, because how can you help others when you, yourself can’t breath?
So where and how to start loving yourself to attract Mr. Perfect into your life? It’s simple but not easy. You gotta do the work. You might have to take a break, be selfish and give yourself some time. #SelfCare
1) Figure out who you are. What do you like? Do you even really like taking baths? I took baths for a long time, thinking there were going to relax me because, hey! everyone said it. But I was so distracted by everything, I never even realized that baths just don’t do it for me. When I finally started to get to know myself, I found other ways to relax that I actually enjoyed.
2) What is one thing you would want to improve about yourself that would truly make you feel more confident? Maybe it’s getting your nails done, finally signing up to the gym, or maybe it’s taking yourself out for lunch! Ahhh, scary I know … but this is where we grow. Being comfortable will just keep you from moving forward. Don’t wait until tomorrow and start NOW!
3) DAILY AFFIRMATIONS !!! Fake it until you make it. (This might sound silly) but, each morning when you wake up, look in the mirror and come up with at least one self-affirmation that you would like to attract into your life. Our thoughts control our actions, so if you’re thoughts are negative, your actions will follow. If you don’t know where to start, start with, “I am way too good for him/her and he/she does not deserve everything I have to offer!” every morning, in the mirror. Eventually, your thoughts will force your actions to follow. *Poof* Now you’ve made room for what’s suppose to be.
4) Be brave, Be vulnerable. If not then you’ll just be hiding behind the walls that you built for yourself and you will never give yourself a chance to build a strong, loving and loyal relationship. Anything worth while entitles risk. TAKE IT!
5) Forgive yourself and leave the past where it belongs. You were young.